Out of town

I’ll be somewhere sunny June 9th through the 18th so book your session while I’m here. I could pick up the phone during my holiday but I probably won’t.

Also, I got something special this Sunday. Pictures to follow soon.

xoxo

B

 

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Idiots of the world.

Listen up because this pertains to you.

I recently had an exchange with a potential client who turned out to be such an utter tragedy of a person that it gave me pause: perhaps I have been unclear as to how one should approach me when making an appointment.

1.) Expect to meet with me no less than 24 hours from when you contact me. Even if I receive your request right away — because I breathlessly await your calls and emails, truly, I am driven mad by the anxiety as I sit steadfast by my phone and computer — I am very busy and, guaranteed, I will already have plans for the next several hours of my day. Further, I prepare for our session with care and attention. This takes some time. In the odd event I meet with you in less time, it’s because circumstance permits and the conditions of our meeting don’t call for the elaborate preparations I prefer. It doesn’t hurt to ask to meet in less than 24 hours, but ready yourself for my refusal.

2.) Don’t repeatedly ask me the same stupid questions because I know you are using my responses as masturbation fodder. I know you want details and taunts and teasing and whatever is your particular need, but if you ask again and again, eventually you are going to hear something you don’t like. Like me telling you that I’ve generously supplied you the answer and either you’re obstinate or slow, and which is it, please, because I’d like to know what kind of unpleasant dullard I’m dealing with.

3.) Specific to this idiot I’ve been emailing with for weeks only to have him cancel today because he can get a lower price elsewhere, I’d like to use my simple and little-known platform to speak plainly:

If you wanted a bargain, then don’t shop in a luxury boutique. We’ve been emailing for weeks now — longer if you include your very first correspondence — and what you wanted was for me to tirelessly prepare for a swimming competition. When I told you that I hadn’t been swimming in months and that I was confident that I could beat you, I wasn’t communicating that there was a chance you could win. When I said that I was out of shape for this type of activity, I meant that I wasn’t at my competition condition. It was my intention to communicate clearly and honestly, without any ego or subtext, the truth. I see now that you are not evolved to accept that currency.

The truth is, out of shape and not having been swimming in months, I would destroy you. I’m fast. I’m strong. And if I were in competition shape, it would be an act of comedy for you to even show up because I would obliterate you, grind you into the tiles with my enormous stiletto heel.

It is not in me to use flowery language and bluster hot with wind but that is precisely what you wanted in your pathetic queries. I don’t have to work out and practice swimming because any time of day, any day of the week, I would eat you alive and crush your bones for my bread. You would be lucky to have me sniff imperceptibly in the direction of your rotting, mangled corpse when you shuffle off this mortal coil.

4.) Lastly, although I have a nasty inclination that this bit will get lost under the weight of all this text, read through my site and ad before you email me. I don’t have time for your moronic questions that have already been answered. Example: “Mistress Bailey! I’d like for you to do a switch session and be dildo trained!”

You knuckle-dragging mouth-breather, I don’t do any penetration.

“But, Mistress Bailey, I only want to do oral. I did read you don’t do penetration. I only want to put a dildo in your mouth!”

Is English your second language? Were your parents siblings? Are you a shaved ape walking about in a coat? Nothing will enter any orifice of mine. I challenge you to be more dense, I would be impressed.

Food for thought, yes?

xoxo

B

Wait longer…

if you’re expecting some ground breaking updates from me because I like to keep you suspense.

Ha!

I have a phone; I got one weeks ago and I forgot to post it here so — I have a new phone now.

I also added a new item in my Rates section. If you simply must meet me before we session, I require a pittance of $50 for the pleasure of sitting with me in a public place and not only assessing one another but also discreetly discussing the terms of further meetings. The meeting will likely not exceed thirty minutes. I am offering this as a courtesy and if you should act in a manner that is anything less than gentlemanly, I will take both my leave and money immediately. 

Let us see if we can play well together.

xoxo

B